evoke thy thoughts

Ive Been Square

2009-12-29T11:28:00.000-08:00

My Blogging frequency has been cut down to 6 times a year?

well at least im not the kind who 'blogs' everyday with unsubstantial "i love you , you love me" entries. So you can be sure that my entries are never 'empty'.

SO ..just a few things to clear out of my mind.
Presence, or better known as 'attendance' is really subjective.
If i cant be where you want me to be, its NEVER because i dont want to
(this is general , not personally 'dedicated' to anyone)
Its because of sacrifices that i have to make, be it because i have my own responsibilities to attend to or because im not there to give place to someone else.
(and that someone else better show some gratitude for god's sake)
note: i dont really like to use god's name in vain but seriously, for GOD's SAKE!

Lately , ive been sensing alot of ingratitude, not because i feed on gratitude but its only fair, humane and not to mention pro-karma for an individual to be grateful.
Lets face it, who doesnt appreciate being appreciated?

Its human nature to take each other for granted.I guess it boils down to "do unto others what you want others to do unto you" or simply "love thy neighbour"

If i have to be there just to appease others, i might just confuse myself. Am i being selfish?or sacrificial?or both? either way, it seems to me, for NOW that 'most good deed goes unnoticed'
i rather be Square than be There.Figuratively speaking(pun unintended)

"guilty feet ain't got no rythm"-george michael, Careless whisper

REST

2009-10-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

REST.
i finally get to rest! although it means i still have to study, i feel so rested.
I have not blogged for such a long time!
I am still busy, Still OVER-packing my schedule..not a day wasted without me having to something.
Too busy to even exercise! so lately, i have been making an effort to either swim or jog 3 times a week.

i think i have lost all interest to blog , so im gonna end this entry abruptly, here.

great.

2009-07-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

Its been quite awhile since i last updated this blog and it almost seems dead.
Here is an attempt to revive it!

Nothing much to say since theres no major hoop-la going on in my life.
Unless you include the daily battle i go through at work and the fact that i'm
trying to defeat the spells of laziness every other day.

two more years to go!
phew.or so i hope.Not very confident about this but i guess its ok.Its all worth the blood sweat and tears.

Few things ive learned so far:
1.dont expect others to have the same amount of commitment as you,more or less.
2.when you fall, pick yourself up(well that ive learnt over and over again)
3.the wheels on the bus go round and round, which is why the MRT is faster.
4.not everyone appreciates humour.
5.money makes the world go wrong.

Ive quit trying to argue with idiots who patronises the outlets.
Ive quit bothering.
Ive quit smoking( for 1 week hahha)
Ive quit showing anger.
Ive quit fighting THE MAN
Ive quit choosing fight over flight.

ive quit trying to end my entries nicely so im gonna do it,
abruptly.

Dead and Gone

2009-04-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

" i turn my head to the east
i don't see nobody by my side,
i turn my head to the west
still nobody by my side
so i turn my head the north
swallow the pill they called pride
the old me is dead and gone,
the old me will be alright"

I can pretty much get the premonition that im going downhill soon.
With all the inevitable stress and the unnecessary stress and to top it all off, the icing to the cake, impending exams.

I'll be lucky to get out of this alive.
if i don't, please note what i want for my royal funeral.
Nothing much,just a poem each .I know i wont be able to read it, but at least my dad could get a feel of what i had become .How i turned out to be .you know?

"thats hot"- paris hilton

Good Friday

2009-04-05T15:24:00.001-07:00

Nothing blasphemous, just for knowledge

=)

ever wonder whats so good about Friday that they have to name this particular one "Good Friday?"

thanks to google.

Of the numerous Christian holy days on the liturgical calendar,

Good Friday is perhaps the most solemn and profound memorial. The dates of Good Friday, which vary by calendar year, occur between March 20th and April 23rd. Good Friday commemorates the crucifixion of Jesus and falls on the last Friday before Easter. It is the pinnacle of Holy Week, and Christians observe this day with great humility and reverence.

History of Good Friday

As early as the first century, the Church set aside every Friday as a special day of prayer and fasting. It was not until the fourth century, however, that the Church began observing the Friday before Easter as the day associated with the crucifixion of Christ. First called Holy or Great Friday by the Greek Church, the name "Good Friday" was adopted by the Roman Church around the sixth or seventh century. Good Friday OriginsThere are two possible origins for the name "Good Friday".

The first may have come from the Gallican Church in Gaul (modern-day France and Germany). The name "Gute Freitag" is Germanic in origin and literally means "good" or "holy" Friday. The second possibility is a variation on the name "God's Friday," where the word "good" was used to replace the word "God," which was often viewed as too holy for commoners to speak.

Good Friday Traditions

Good Friday rituals and traditions are distinct from those of all other Church observances and add to Good Friday's considerable significance.
The entire ceremony is somber, with priests and deacons dressing in black vestments.
The pulpit and the altar are bare, and no candles are lit. The purpose behind the solemn presentation is to create an awareness of grief over the sacrifice of God's only begotten Son.

Good Friday Church rituals
starts anytime between midnight and 3 a.m., priests and other clerics begin to recite specific prayers. At the morning ceremony, the priest or church official recites lessons from the scriptures. Afterwards, there is a succession of prayers asking for God's mercy and forgiveness on all mankind. At the noon hour comes the Adoration of the Cross, where a representation of the True Cross is unveiled and the clergy and laity pay homage to the sacrifice of Christ. In the Jerusalem Church, a remnant of the True Cross itself is presented for the ceremony.

Next comes the Mass of the Presanctified, in which the priest or church official takes Communion from the host that was blessed during the Maundy Thursday ceremony. The ceremony concludes around 3 p.m. with a procession, which is followed by evening prayers. In many Protestant churches, Good Friday observances begin at noon and last until 3 p.m. This coincides with the hours (according to the scriptures) that Jesus hung on the cross. These services often include sermons on the last seven phrases that Jesus spoke while being crucified. Other services include re-enactments of the Passion according to the Gospel of John, processions of the Stations of the Cross, and the singing of appropriate hymns. All observances add to Good Friday significance and to the richness of meaning for those who know the history of the observance. To many Christians, Good Friday is felt as a day of sorrow. It is a time to grieve over the sin of man and to meditate upon the love that God has so generously bestowed upon humanity in giving His only Son for the redemption of sin.
Written by: David Katski

2009-04-05T14:32:00.000-07:00

"I can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness elude
maybe I just misunderstood
all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find

so I'll love whatever you become
and forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun
and I feel my world crumbling
feel my life crumbling
feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away

falling away with you

staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
I know I won't forget a thing
promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same
all of the love we threw away
all of the hopes we cherished fade
making the same mistakes again
making the same mistakes again

And I feel my world crumbling
feel my life crumbling
feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away
falling away with you
all of the love we've left
behind watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find

memories I will never find"---- MUSE-Falling away with you

Its been awhile since i feel appreciated,
with you, i feel undefeated.
how youve changed my bad habits, is unfathomable.
for me to say ' thank you' isnt enough.

cosss....my baby has got angel eyes =)
and its brighter than sunshine.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bright lights, caffeine, endless scribbling of ink and charcoal...
im exhausted...
lines, graphs, paragraphs, grids, calculations
im exhausted...
music, visuals, paper, books, files
im exhausted...
for the umptieth time, i . am . exhausted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh god give me strength....i dont know how much more i can take
all i know is, there is a lot more for me to go through

' god will make a way when there seems to be no way,
he works in ways we cannot see,
he will make a way for me.
he will be my guide , hold me close into his sight.
god will make a way, he will make a way"

For those who ve been through methodist's education, a very popular hit amongst students during exam period?haha..as i always say' to each his own',Farissa and I love this song,
we have our own faith tho dont worry, it wont falter ...

keep on swimming nurul.

The Unorthodox

2009-03-01T06:18:00.000-08:00

My nerves trembled as i approached near,

my voice became tremulous and broken .

I was mesmerised by the glisten in her eyes, her scent and the serenity of her presence.

my soul takes flight up to the heavens whenever she is near.

Thats when i knew,

I Love her.

I appreciate her simplicity

I appreciate her real outlook on life

I appreciate her being unafrad to admit defeat but still carry on like a champion.

I appreciate her appreciating me

From now till then.

Till the time ends as a sojourner in your heart,

These words will stand true,

"I LOVE YOU"

I’m gonna take you

To a place far from

one will see us

Watch the pain as it disappears

No time for anger

No time for despair

Won’t you come with me

There’s room for us there

This innocent beauty

My words can’t describe

This rebirth to purity

Brings a sullen tear right to your eyes

No time for anger

No time for despair

Please let me take you’cause

I’m already there

I’m so alone

My head’s my home

I’ll return to serenity

Return to serenity-Testament

hello

2009-02-10T03:19:00.000-08:00

back again. :)

been well, not so shabby.

Happiness was in me all along.

Christine I love you, you alone can make my soul take flight.

2008-11-25T20:24:00.000-08:00

Rockin

2008-11-06T15:43:00.000-08:00

Okay so im back,

So many unfortunate events have been hounding me lately and i cant help but think that karma is biting me hard.Well , I paid my dues and im walking on.

Heads up.

Happy Birthday Nana You YOUNG CHILD!

Nad....Dont forget to tell your sisters that im nice haha.

Zul,Rock on ,work on it brother.

Nadhrah, Headache Queen

Hana, youre just so chilllll.

Beyond Care

2008-10-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

I wish i could just have one more hour there, where i tasted heaven on Earth.
And on my death bed I will pray

To the gods and the angels

Like a pagan to anyone who will take me to heaven

To a place I recallI was there so long ago

The sky was bruised

The wine was bled

And there you led me on

In your house I long to be

Room by room patiently

I'll wait for you thereLike a stone

I'll wait for you there

Alone

And on I read

Till the day was gone

And I sat in regret

For all the things i've done

For all that i've blessed

And all that i've wronged

In dreams until my death

I will wander on

I ve been walking around

with the label

Forgotten and Used.

Cos thats how i feel, a feeling ive been trying too hard to hide.

Its Beyond repair nor care.

with all the strength i can spare, i ll get through this.

Since you dont miss me, im moving on.

When most I wink then do mine eyes best see

2008-10-19T03:47:00.000-07:00

When most I wink then do mine eyes best see

When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see,

For all the day they view things unrespected;

But when I sleep, in dreams they look on thee,

And darkly bright are bright in dark directed.

Then thou, whose shadow shadows doth make bright,

How would thy shadow's form form happy show

To the clear day with thy much clearer light,

When to unseeing eyes thy shade shines so!

How would, I say, mine eyes be blessed made

By looking on thee in the living day,

When in dead night thy fair imperfect shade

Through heavy sleep on sightless eyes doth stay!

All days are nights to see till I see thee,

And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me.

ADDICTION!!!

2008-10-13T23:48:00.000-07:00

Until

2008-10-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

Haruskah aku menanti cinta ini
kerana kau masih tak mengerti hatiku
Tak perlu kau ucap"baby i love you so"
kerana cinta darimu tak sehebat cinta ku.

i ll wait at the side,until you open up your doors to me.
willingly and readily.
and i ll pray for it everyday until
Your heart is ready for me.

Secret Raya

2008-10-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

I dont know what we were thinking when we

took this .
Hana's Place!fantastic kuih-muih
Nana's Gorgeous Home.

At my house..Hanis looks so smalll
Hanis's house.Zali, vogue.
At zul's place.with the asian Jude Law, Elfie.
Check out the photo Nana is holding !

The beauty of Indifference

2008-10-07T18:24:00.000-07:00

Its amazing how actions of others don't really affect me anymore.
It will for one second and i m able to brush it off in the next second.
Good progress. I feel damn good about it.

Will upload The Secret Recipe Raya photos soon!

It makes a difference

2008-10-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

"hi how are you?" makes a difference.
It mends ties that has been broken.It shows that youre still remembered.
Ive never felt so happy in my life before.
I feel so lucky i get to do so many things at a time.
I feel so blessed god tested me and made me embark on this journey.

It worked again today.Tired after school, I persisted and took the bus(cos im saving up for a car by the end of this year!) and then , a train. I asked for company."i wanna not be alone on the way back home so that my journey home wont be so tiring!".
And just like i wanted it.Same cabin,Jennifer was sitting right there.On the way back home from NTU. 5 Stops after, Her Classmate from our sec sch came in.like whoa"hey i said i wanna see a certain indian girl ..but dint expect her!" haha.inside joke. She was on the way home from NUS.
and they both extended their time in school.Coincidence? maybe.But it was like magic to me,
Jen saw her first and gasps, and she was like "hey ...hi Nurul".Ok sorry,erm i dont really remember her name.I thought she was Brianna...Until She and Jen TALKED abt Brianna(the real one).

laughed all the way back home.

funny how she could tell that we stopped playing netball cos of our hairstyle?

Congratulations Geri!Youre an aunty to a baby boy!i hope you will get to see him soon?
Baby Cooper i suppose?that was the intended given name right?youre gonna be so excited about him like how im excited about Haziq and Hasif.

I remembered Mari used a joke EXCESSIVELY during training when Haziq was a newborn.
Everytime we delay daley or like run extra slow for some reason , she ll go" OMG what are you guys waiting for?for Haziq to finish his O levels isit????" haha.
Time flies.Haziq is gonna be Pri 1 next year.tt makes it 7 years ago.

gosh

Its good to reminisce good times.
Its a good thing to share good vibes with good friends.
and for the first time in my life, im convinced that this isnt a temporary feeling.
cos i earned this feeling.and i WANT to feel this way.

Tomorow, another broken knot will be bonded.
Another fun day.Going JALAN RAYA after work !(for awhile since i gt sch at 7.)

The Secret Continues

2008-10-04T04:39:00.000-07:00

As i go about reading The Secret , i feel a weird sense of empowerment and positivity just rushes into my veins.No longer do i feel lost.I no longer feel alone.What i feel is Potential accomplishments coming my way and the knowledge that i have the power of mind.
What the mind can conceive , the body can achieve.

Every chapter every page every paragraph makes a difference in my life right now.

Patience and faith is really the key.

"Most of the time, when we dont see things that we've requested, we get frustrated.We get disappointed. And we begim to become doubtful.The doubt brings about a feeling of disappointment.TAKE THAT DOUBT AND SHIFT IT.Recognise that feeling and replace it
with a feeling of UNWAIVERING FAITH.say, "i know it's on its way"
Feel the way you will feel once it arrives Begin to feel wonderful about it.Feel it now.
-Lisa Nichols

Take the first step in faith , you dont have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step
-Dr Martin Luther King

You can start with nothing, and out of nothing and out of no way, a way will be made
-Michael Bernard Beckwith

The first quote has got to be my favourite these days.I used to feel like shit, useless, hopeless, helpless and desperate. This quote has turned my perception around and now, i cant stop smiling.You just gotta have faith.Know what you want and believe.

I experimented with this newfound"power of mind" thingy.

SCENARIO 1
running late, i refuse to wait in queue for a cab.Went to a narrow relatively secluded road and waited for one.
"i want a cab i want a cab(not "need", zero tolerance level for any doubt that will find its way in my thoughts)
"It is on its way, i know it is."and i stood there smiling and believing.Unlike most other times when i would be calling up ppl complaining to them , giving up, swearing at every car tt looked like a cab from afar!

Lo and behold, within 3-5 mins of each wait, a cab comes by.

SCENARIO 2
I was hungry, i wanted to eat but i couldn get out of the outlet to get food because i was alone.
I didnt complain.I didnt turn grumpy at customers or throw tantrums(like i used to) i didnt blame.
Instead i thought positive thoughts" i want food.i want to eat" I imagined i already ate and i felt relatively full.And i believed that i would be able to catch time to get food in between work and school.i was positive.i was smiling.
2 hrs later , Zuliana called my Budget Terminal from Terminal 2."hey you want me to come?i bungkus makanan, are you hungry?i ll buy chicken curry rice for you and then we makan together"

I didnt even breath a word to her abt being hungry . It just happened.
And with open arms i received it.But i already know how it felt.It felt good and i was grateful.

Like i said, it changed my attitude.I know what ahead of me is within my control.My thoughts, feelings and attitude will see me through.

no more"i dont think i can do this , i dont think im good enough" cos things just worsen when i keep bad thoughts.

But of course, i do still get sad thoughts.
At least i know NOW where and how to switch it to nice happy memories.
And im grateful.

Hari raya at home today!

2008-10-04T04:18:00.000-07:00

My Nephews!

My cousin Farhan, A Madly big fan of Siti Nurhaliza!

NOW, my MATreps . haha.sorry guys.

Maternal Cousins!my house was PACKED!

Hasif, stop it.
Long Lost sisters.20 yrs apart but

Look SoOoooOoo Alike!

i ll upload the Paternal side soon, IF i can fix my bluetooth!

THURSDAYS WITH MARI!

2008-10-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

Our Tribute to "Tuesdays with Morrie"

MAri if you re reading this.NO! we dont look much alike anymore.Mrs Kumar was blind and i m glad i took the scolding for you.Youre the only one who will come up with "good friend , bad friend!

haha.Succes to our "depressing dorm i hope!

Law of attraction

2008-10-02T07:56:00.000-07:00

If you see it in your mind, you will hold it in your hand-bob practor

Thank you friends, for advice and doubts.For questioning my intentions and for insulting my faith.It really showed me who i have become and what i can do to change for the better.Criticisms are feedback.Work on feedback and you ll get better results.
Sometimes you have to go thru the pain to feel the joy later on.

Quoting a good friend of mine"if you alrdy set your mind to it and you chose to go through the pain, then by all means, enjoy the pain.Pain is a feeling.So is happiness if you can enjoy happiness, you can enjoy Pain." words not lack of wisdom.thank you.

THE SECRET is such a great book fit enough to be a "kitab".A book that i ll follow through religiously.Ive no words fit enough to describe it any further.

what you think is what you get and what you will be.
Laws of attraction is undenyingly dominantly existant in our lives.
The Secret is what we already know.But to put it in a book and to quote powerful thinkers just makes us "buy" or believe it more and remind us of the magnitude of the human mind.

Time lapse is mandatory.TIME gives you a chance to rethink of what you have decided on.
Time Lapse is what im depending on now.

Thoughts attract like.if you dwell on a problem and kp thinking about it, you will find tt it gets worst.If you think positive and "psycho" yourself that things are marvelously wonderful, then THAT it shall be.

Met up with childhood friend Mari today.She came up with ideas to think of a place where everything is so depression condusive.
white walls,for white collared patrons, the background sound will be relentless phone ringing and printing.
Food will always be served cold and tasteless and there will be a showcase with all the good food.to see, not touch or taste.
showers will be cold and water will be in droplets where its almost impossible to get a decent shower.
Television will be always on but no audio whatsoever.'
Meetings with family means sitting in an empty room facing an empty see through glass.
beds will be oily and springy and patrons will be arranged like sardines where there will be no room to move around.
it ll be hot.no fan.

Now, the depressing dorm is open to any suggestions or change .The purpose of it, is to make us , right now, feel lucky and blessed.In other words,things CAN be worst but they are not.

My best friend said" god wont test you beyond your limits"

In that , i believe.

Grey

2008-09-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

OK.Its official.grey IS gonna be my fav colour from this moment on until further notice haha.

People never tell you
The way they truly feel
I would die for you gladly
If I knew it was for me
So if all this talk sounds crazy
Did I ever tell you
How you live in me
Every waking moment
Even in my dreams
And if all this talk is crazy
And you don't know what I mean
Does it really matter
Just as long as
I believe
I will love again,
though my heart is breakingI will love again,
stronger then beforeI will love again,
even if it takes a lifetime to get over you
Heaven only knows I will love again
If I'm true to myself
Nobody else
Can take the place of you
But I've got to move on
Tell me, what else can I do

OK im such a www.letssingit.com addict.

we had a debate over "remotely close" today haha.a really subtle debate.
and i just got home from work.shagedelic.
need to rest.working 18hr shift tonight.
so im gonna take the last flight out now (see?addict)

ok gonna take grey eyes out of my head now.haha.
lame la pls.
i cant live without Sattelite and im gonna wake up and go out with Dynamite later b4 work.
i can hardly wait.(they are not imaginary friends, dont worry.Just objects of my obsession)

OH.hate me or love me, i dont really care.
I m true to myself and i dont lie.
My passion may show in the weirdest way ever.
im nt scared anymore.gt rid of that the moment i read those words.

I wished for a Jerry Maguire moment

where i ll come forth to voice out my deepest feelings.
and before i can finish, she sweeps me away with a gush of love.
and say "you are only mine, i am only yours"

But those kind of things only happens in movies.
so Nurul, you wish.

everynight i pray, that you ll be here one day
i count the stars tonight , and hope with all my might
that when i close my eyes, you ll be right by my side
oh my only dreams.

all i can do now is stop and stare
wake me up when november ends?
ok addictaddictaddict!

You let me down-Leona Lewis

2008-09-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

You let me down, cant fix you now

Thought i could count on you to be around

 You bring me down, down, down way down

  What is the problem  Are you taking me seriously

  Is it a joke to you  Or maybe im a fool

  Why am i trying  So hard to be the girl that you need

 How is this fair to me  When you break rules

 This is to much  Dont call it love

You are the reason its so hard to trust

Boy this aint what i wanted

  And now its got to stop

 You let me down, cant fix you now

Thought i could count on you to be around

You bring me down, down, down way down

  No more tears

  Why did i let you have so much control

  I gave my arm to you

 And you pushed me away

 Why are you here oh  Dont you see im letting you go

The damage is done baby  I have nothing to say

   Its gone to far  Dont know who you are

I think its better that we are apart

  Babe i know where i am

And i know where your near

 You let me down, cant fix you now

  Thought i could count on you to be around

You bring me down, down, down way down

 You let me down, thought i had had found

 Some one to catch me when i hit the ground

 You bring me down, down, down way down (ooooh)

Would you like it if  I did the same thing to

 You wouldn last Walking in my shoes

  Boy theres no excuse

 Cause of what you did theres no me and you

   Would you like it if  I did the same thing

you wouldnt last  Walking inside my shoes

 Boy theres no excuse

  Thats who you are and im so over you

You let me down, cant fix you now

 Thought i could count on you to be around

  You bring me down, down, down way down

All is not lost

2008-09-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

A promise is a comfort for a fool. ~Proverb

Okay , finished a chapter of Stats.with a few interruptions from BORED staffs,they read the menu ,just read to past time.blooooody hell.haha.

Happy Birthday Francis, WHOEVER you are..just that I just wrote on a cake for you.haha. and serene loves you! since its "Happy Birthday Francis Love, Serene" . ENJOY your chocolate Indulgence.

okay.and i think lost without you by Delta goodrem is sooooo Apt and depressing so i wont listen to it.

ALTHOUGH i DIGGGG singing my lungs out here, at work , when everything else is closed in Transit.

i lovvvveeee singing to Lara Fabian.As tho my vocals are THAT good.i could dance the night away....but tht will attract MORE stares from the wandering cisco officers.and i watched F1!from the large screen TV they have here.

HAHA dont i just make my life sound so ooo ooo oo gloriously wonderful.

Cik SITI"lebih baik hidup macam nurul, senyummm aje.relac aje..tak banyak fikiran"

If only she knewwww..

haha

okay back to work.

ipen:doesnt matter.(mat mode)Skarang pentingnye Nur,Kau dah Sachokkk, tak boleh angs!

ok thank you.thank you very much.

tt should be the thought of the day.

midnight shift

2008-09-27T09:54:00.001-07:00

Phew ,Did my FIRST shift closing ever before i run my own shift.Panic Panic,finished.
what a relief.
I like grey eyes.

And work is the BEST place to study.free flow of coffee and iceblendedwhatever.
i get paid doing it.
hehe.
you muggers should be jealous
i 'll update the pics at work pretty soon.

Thanks Zul for the perfume.
"nurul hurry come t3 i bought perfume for you.ok bye"
haha!touching.........sooooo touching... its perfect for work ONLY.
and you look at her, you wouldnt think shes such a person.

thanks shahril for calling when i was doing closing
Thanks Sakina(altho u prob wouldn get to read this) for Leaving me a note to remind me the steps i should take when closing shift.
i feel well guided and safe.thank you.

thank you shrek for claiming theres $259 worth of $10 $3.10 worth of 20cents.HAHHAHAAHA!

wtf.

HAPPY BDAY ISKANDAR.is this your...er...40th?hehe.

like !

2008-09-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

Omg i loveee I.B.M
im not kidding.Its a mix of Socio, Econs, Anthropology,Geog...Its a mix of everything !
and i love the fact that my lecturer takes an effort to re-enact how a theory evolved between a dutch and a german guy,schmitz. even though it was already like 9.58pm?

I like.

im so looking forward to next week!

My reason

2008-09-26T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so, I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

insomniac

2008-09-25T12:37:00.000-07:00

Since i cant sleep, i might as well pen my thoughts here.

Cos if i do sleep, its only for 1 1/2 hr.

"when theres lost and sense of remorse.Especially if one blames themselves,depression is bound to happen."

Its a vicious spiral.The moment you manage to pick yourself up, you'd think "hey this is not happening, im just cheating myself,why am i faking it." Its never easy.A cripple is bound to stumble.

Especially when the one who left was the one who has been there.Its like leaning on a wall and suddenly the wall disappears.You start blaming yourself for leaning to hard, too long.You start blaming yourself for trusting that wall.

that rarely happens,a wall rarely disappears but that doesnt mean you can take it for granted.

Lets face it.People are not like walls.They will never always be there.When they do disappear, often comes without warning nor at the right time.(take it as you leaning on the wall while youre yawning.At the least expected moment the wall disappears) then you blame yourself for cutting yourself some slack by yawning."i should have stayed awake and be precautious"

Point is, you cant help but yawn and trust.

ok now, why am i comparing people to walls?

Lesson of the story is, never ever trust things or people to always be there.be it friends or family or even walls.Once they leave and you fall,you find yourself having to first pick yourself up clean up the wound and stand on your own.Its never as easy.

To stand alone.To know that your trust have been betrayed.To heal on your own.

then you'd wish the fall , gave you amnesia.

"atas nama cinta

hati ini tak mungkin terbagi

sampai nanti bila aku mati

cinta ini hanya untuk engkau

Atas nama cinta ku relakan jalanku merana

asal engkau akhirnya denganku

Ku bersumpah , Atas nama cinta"

-rossa

True love is never true until you see their true colours.

One day, someone will love me for who i am

someone will accept me with open arms.

If i find tt someone,

i would say" hey, thank you for letting me lean on you.But dont just stand there and let my weight push you away.Come,put your arms arnd my shoulder and i ll put mine around yours.

That way, you wont fall dear,i wont either.we will always have each other's shoulder.Look it doubles up as a hug too."

If i do get another chance at love again.Im gonna make sure that im in it not cos i need and can't leave without her.But cos i chose not to.Choose to have her,choose to love her, choose to depend on her and let her depend on me.It ll be a choice out of mutual respect and not cos of who gets the upper hand.Cos when you have your arms round each other, theres no such thing as an upper arm(or hand).Mutual choice and not by force or obligation.Motivate me to be a better person and strive to minimise my bad habits.vice versa.

Mutual:
1.Having the same relationship each to the other: mutual lovers

2.Directed and received by each toward the other; reciprocal: mutual respect.
3.Possessed in common: mutual interests.
4.Of, relating to, or in the form of mutual insurance.

I ve been trying too hard to achieve mutuality that i forgot that it should come naturally.

That day may or might not come.

But in the name of love, i will believe.

Ripped my ARM out

2008-09-25T11:15:00.000-07:00

Watched 4BIA 2 nights ago .For the second time and it STILL scares the SHIT out of me.Although i didnt show it.I was relatively cool in comparison to the annoying woman next to me who kept tugging on my arm almost ripping it off!haha.Thanks for the arm stretch Nana.

It came to a point when i had no choice but extend my arm cos she would like scrape it off my torso.Scaredy cat...

Zuliana was hiding behind nad's armpits.so you can imagine how scary it was.

Unless youre not planning to sleep that night, DO NOT watch 4bia.If you looking for a thrill to test your threshold for 'holding your pee'.Go ahead, be bold wit it!

SO FAR.......nt so good.I got things done.so many schedules planned and i HAVE to follow through.Study schedule.Weekly Maths schedule.SoSIALogy is kinda growing on me.so good luck nurul!you can do it.gogogo.

so far.so good?

"i know youre afraid but you cant leave me now lean on my shoulders soon it ll be over. Im trying to build our future im doing this for US ,youre the only one i love the only one i trust"

-Song i heard 4 yrs ago and suddenly played in my head.

Work it

2008-09-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

Alone at work and had nothing to do, took a break from the books and decided to be a tat too 'artistic' for my own good.

Sept 11

2008-09-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

Today we should commemorate those who died innocently due to terrorism and those who died trying to fight it.To those who have lost brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, sons and daughters,
strength comes to those who have faith, in good faith, with faith.

Life has its Rise and Fall.

I was enlightened today by a thought provoking theory.
When you feel like youre struggling in life, as though youre treading water, and the darkness below you seemed scary and mean, youre left with 2 choices.
You have to stop treading at some point. So its either you sink or float.
Float, lay back, have faith and let the waters lift you up.

However, its not so easy to just let go, stop fighting('treading') and leave it to fate.
I keep kicking and fighting to stay afloat cos I am unsure if its even possible to float?
What if i can't float and by stopping, i ll be giving up and drown?

Faith.
Strength comes to people who have faith , in good faith , with faith.

5 days to go.

Ode to Efforts

2008-09-07T09:16:00.001-07:00

"lost love is still love.it takes a different form thats all.You can't see their smile or bring them food or toussle their hair or move them around a dance floor.But when those senses weaken, another heightens .Memory.Memory becomes your partner.You nurture it, you hold it.You dance with it" -mitch albom in The Five People You Meet In Heaven

Well Its the first time i went this far without going overboard to salvage a relationship i believe in so much.

I don't know how else to break this silence.

Happy Ramadhan, Farewell to Mary Jane

2008-09-07T09:05:00.001-07:00

We will miss Mary and her Little Lamb Dearly.

moving mountains

2008-09-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

It's like whatever I Just can't get through to Whatever we said we left 'em all

Now, now she loved me, shawty I loved her

Used to jump up in the maybach and roll out

Used to care, she used to share

The love that she used to give me can't be found I lost my way,

she said she'd stay And lately I've been sleeping with a ghost

My stock is down and out, I used to be worth my weight in gold

That was before a great depression kicked in and rocked us

And that was before the hurricane came in and stopped us

I told you to leave, but you lied to me

When you said that, "baby no worries I promise to get us back".

I know sorries, just wouldn't do it

Her heart is obliterated,

I'm trying, I'm trying my boo

But it's like moving mountains...

It's like moving mountains... hey.

But I keep climbing and hoping things would change

And the sky turns gray, and the water from the rain washes progress away.

It's like moving mountains...

Why just leave me?

Just leave me be. Just leave me.

Just leave me be.

Why you just leave me just leave me be.

She, she don't touch me, I don't touch her

We rarely even ever say a word.

I really want to give her everything she deserves

But the bad took away the good.

She thinks that I'm full of it, arguments, always pissed, man I'm tired

Every kiss that I missed, girl you know I'm trying.

You never believe when I say, and I never believe it when you say I love you,

and I shouldn't complain about it I could take it like a man and walk about it

Cause we will never be the same, ooh.

I've been standing in gas, and you have been the flame.

Tribute

2008-08-19T12:57:00.000-07:00

A tribute to where we left off......

have been

2008-08-19T00:25:00.001-07:00

"take care my love "she said
"dont think that god is dead.Take care my love."she said
"you have been loved"

The beginning of nothingness

2008-08-18T23:21:00.000-07:00

It nearly killed whe she said,"i just dont love you no more"

I ve been trying to fill this emptiness in my heart by doing random things that will not cause me to stop, stare in to space and reminisce.For all the pain that we ve been thru, for all the good times that we shared,you finally want to be alone.
but i dont.

you are so cruel.

All that we had, has turned to dust.maybe for awhile, maybe forever.You always had the upper hand.All my life, i never got what i wanted.
not even you.

i may have failed but i have loved you from the start.

A million love songs

2008-08-18T11:09:00.000-07:00

Put your head against my life
What do you hearA million words just trying to make
The love song of the year
Close your eyes but don't forget
What you have heard
A girl who's trying to say three words
The words that make me scared

A million love songs later
And here I am trying to tell you that I care
A million love songs later
And here I am

Looking to the future now
This is what I see
A million chances pass me by
A million chances to hold you
Take me back, take me back
To where I used to be
To hide away from all my truth
Through the light I see

A million love songs later
And here I am trying to tell you that I care
A million love songs later

And here I am.

Snob of the year

2008-08-15T09:03:00.000-07:00

Another random entry from a random day.
There is something blatant about the snob of the year.
The lights are bright but its dim to her/him
The darkness seems apparent but she/he is ignorant of it.

This is where i write another letter to the difficult customers

Dear Difficult Customers,

This is the second letter that im writing to you, I hope I am able to get across certain issues with you this time round.

First of all, DO NOT harass nor provoke nor bully foreign service crew members.They understand you pretty well and probably have a larger brain capacity and the ability to reason things out better than you.They are NOT second class service crew and they are NOT cheap labour.So do think of the things you say or do because it really...really looks bad on you.
No apologies for running out of certain things on the menu.I would put in the effort to warn you beforehand but sometimes your face and your expression just repels me.I am truly disgusted with the fact that you blame it on US for running out of things.Well im sorry that business has been overwhelmingly great and you came late.It would be my duty to give you alternatives.Watch your attitude though cos even if i have a orange/green apple / lime TREE in front of me, i would'nt harvest my fruits JUST FOR YOU.Now why would i want to do that?
Venting your anger and taking it out on the service crew wont change things you know?On my previous letter i spoke of people who fight over food.To fight about drinks on the other hand?Completely disgraceful .

ALSO.

Dear snob of the year,
To the snob of the year, please, i know your trick.You exploit the matter, you aggravate the problem and then you give a solution which is out of this world.Alas!its a solution to the problem YOU created.We are so lucky arent we to have you around?The only thing that is settled my dear snob,is your brain juices and your ego.God's grace has given you proportionate amount of luck to compensate for your brain size.You have been blessed but i hope you wont abuse it.(which you already did).

NOT FORGETTING

To my dear counterparts,
Do not be discouraged by those who will receive the letters i formerly wrote.Do not falter, do not despair.Stand on your own two feet and have patience.Karma, my friends.Believe in Karma.Know that you gain amusement went they lose control.At least we have something to bitch about eh?As ridiculous as they can be, know that youre the bigger person if you just laugh out loud in your heart,keep a straight face and we shall talk about it afterwards alright?We might seem as though we are at the bottom of the food chain but keep your head up , your toes wiggling and your heart laughing and we will do just fine

Yours truly ,
Nurulhuda Binte Hamid

Now...THATS the highlight of my day.

That which does not kill me makes me stronger.
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE, Twilight of the Idols

Hey there, the angel from my nightmare

2008-08-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

Well , before i put my blog into permanent coma.I shall not let it go to self -destruct by making the effort to blog.
The National Day Promotion is happening again!hellhellhell but funfunfun.my legs are aching and so are my arms but my head is going "go go go!"

"There are strings in the human heart that had better not be vibrated."Charles Dickens

what ...emotional crisis again nurul?Not much to worry about this time round.All is under control.Although the water is up to my neck, drowning me from shoulder down, i can still breathe.Phew.Thank god for that.

Just a short entry.IM drained!

wide awake.

2008-07-14T13:35:00.000-07:00

ive been up til odd hours these days.Not as if im having a holiday or slacking away.Actually im juggling work and school.Being wide awake at such hours(its 4.38 am ) is not what im suppose to be doing.
I am actually hoping tt i will fall asleep in the middle of this entry.I guess i m suffering from a weird case if insomnia.
SO ..lately i hv been having debates with a friend who is dating a married man.I know, i shouldnt judge cos im not morally perfect myself blablabla.. but no matter how smart you are, tts gotta be stupid isnt it? I mean 2 kids.Unless of cos, shes looking for an 'instant family".
What a way to degrade yourself. Its really tragic. Its a classic case of good girl gone bad, i should say.OR arrogance. That is when an individual thinks that she/he has an abundance of intelligence and knowledge tt he/she can defy anything and everything.

A good sign of that will be :

1.Blaming and degrading the other party(namely, the bf's wife)
2.using impressive words or phrases hoping to shut us up(like 'societal norms' 'sovereignity' )
3.defensive , rebutting every point with the very same point used in the last argument by rephrasing and elaborating
4.denial and generalisation: "most 3rd parties are sluts , im certainly not so my situation is diff"
"most 3rd parties are minahs" "most 3rd parties are lonely but i can go on well "

my dear, you are shooting at your own foot.so please wise up.
nobody is perfect. But nobody is so blind/dumb to CHOOSE tt path either.

To betray you must first belong.
Harold Philby

Life deserves a holiday

2008-07-09T08:57:00.000-07:00

Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.
Author: Jane Wagner

Its only my Second day of school and im feeling so damn stressed. Is my job now able to cover my school fees and my personal expenditure?Frustrating as it seems, theres no way of finding out when my outlet remains phantomous.Its been too heavy on my shoulders.Im afraid the fear of what lies ahead is prevalent.
How can i survive when my transport cost is 7 bucks a day? im tired im so tired.
Theres a new job opening, but should i go for it?cos if i do, i really do wanna quit my FnB job because i dont see a point in staying anymore.

Argh, the monsters in my head.

So,if im really gonna take up this job, it better be worth it.Oh come on....pls.be IT.pls be IT.
Life, go for a holiday, give me a break will you?
my shoulder is heavy as it is, with noone to share it with, i cant go on for too long.

damaged

2008-06-16T02:38:00.000-07:00

Separation penetrates the disappearing person like a pigment and steeps him in gentle radiance. Boy George

we are leading seperate lives.

Revelations

2008-06-14T10:09:00.000-07:00

I guess we should say goodbye. We gave our everything but it just doesnt work out.Maybe it is karma. Maybe it is fate.Whatever it is, I don't want to be tied down anymore.
I ve done my fair share of wrong doings.I admit it. I dont resort to certain things uninduced.
It takes two hands to clap.Always remember that.

Maybe i should head down the library to get myself a self-help book on break-ups and anger.

He just left.IM still stuck in moment of shock and regrets. I should have been there when he had his last breath . I should have went to see him, seek forgiveness, tell him thank you.

Dear kekeman/Abah oman,

Thanks for everything that you have been to me.Thanks for taking me in uncondiotionally when i was too young to take care of myself.When my parents were too busy at work.Thanks for making me feel part of your family. Thank you for being such a clown and for having an oppinion on anything and everything. Thank you for the laughs the joy you bring with your silly antiques. Thank you for always being such a sport, making everyone feel so hyped up.
I wont forget the laughter . I wont forget the tears. I will NEVER forget you.
I am sorry. I am so sorry that the first time you were in hospital, i just got out of my own 'sick period' and was getting over a heartbreak of another kind. Again, the second and final time.I am so sorry for making fun of the way you sleep and snore everytime we gather during Hari Raya. I m sorry i had the intention to take your small viles of strawberry fragrance cos it smells nice when i was 5. I still recall the smell sometimes.
Maybe one day we will see each other again and you can make fun of my hair all you want and call me 'No-rul' as many times as you like.

May you rest in peace kekeman.

your 'chief' niece,
No-rul

Promises

2008-05-19T13:16:00.000-07:00

Not the maker of plans and promises, but rather the one who offers faithful service in small matters. This is the person who is most likely to achieve what is good and lasting. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Promises.When it links with hope, is an ugly profanity. I once said, i 'll never make a promise because i can never really know if i can fulfil it. Even if i do, how well?
Promises to me are risks.You put yourself on the line once you give your word.Yet, it seems that i have to take so much risks when there is really no need at all. Sometimes, promises are unattainable goals SET by another just for the purpose of comfort.

All promise outruns performance. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes, promises are set by another without considering the promisee's capability , wants or even feelings.

A sincere promise is always set by oneself.

Its mind over matter.not matter over mind.

A promise should be made without force but with will.

A promise is a comfort for a fool. ~Proverb

Currently

2008-05-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

"Thought the sun is gone, I have a light." - -- Kurt cobain

exactly.

Burn

2008-05-12T00:57:00.000-07:00

Its Better to burn out then to fade away-Kurt cobain,Nirvana

You want your portfolio, not me.
Your portfolio will pay your bills in the future, Not me.
I hope your portfolio will love you too then ,alright?

In the past , You go on forever about how you love your ex and how wonderful and so emotionally fulfilling your relationship is.Even when you have school, you would have a million conversations.You came to school tired. But you didnt mind.

Now, You go on forever about how you love your job and how wonderfulling and so fulfilling it is to get things done. Even when I was trying to have a million conversations with you, you were too busy. I was tired . But i didnt mind.

So, where does that put me?
On my birthday, you were too busy picking up calls.
On valentine's day, You were too busy at the site.
On every other day, you are just not there.

All the credit goes to you .
It is burning out because of you.
But you wouldn mind.

"Thought the sun is gone, I have a light." - -- Kurt cobain

self-titled

2008-05-11T12:38:00.000-07:00

Betrayal is the only truth that sticks. Arthur Miller

such humility

2008-05-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

And since you know you cannot see yourself,so well as by reflection, I, your glass,will modestly discover to yourself,that of yourself which you yet know not of.
William Shakespeare

It is mother's day today,well yesterday. What was suppose to be a pleasent day where Mothers go out with their sons/daughters and enjoy being treated like a queen, turned out to be a not-so-pleasant experience at Secret recipe. Customers were hostile, aggresive and not to mention, vulgar. Sometimes , when i look at how rude customers act towards us, I can't help but think that they think that we are just a bunch of imbeciles and we should bow down to their feet when we serve them.I know its ridiculous but i can't help but feel that they are quick to judge.

Dear difficult customer(s),

I hope you don't mind me saying this to you. If youre think you are rich and you can abuse us, $5/hr waiter/waitresses, keep your money and show us humanity. If you think you are smart and you can outsmart us by 'reporting a complain' or arguing with us, we just think that youre not worth an argument and we find you pretty much amusing.In a silly way. If you want to embarass us by hurling profanities at us in front of a whole outlet of customers,you are just humiliating yourself.Afterall, YOU are fighting about......food & drinks?Really shows what kind of person you are. Lastly, for those who finds it thrilling and profitable to run away without paying, You cheating , cheapskate bastards.

yours frankly,

Nurulhuda Binte Hamid

For they are yet ear-kissing arguments.
William Shakespeare

As i always say , Its not that there is no customer service. The customers should be sent for servicing.

I thought mother's day was suppose to be sweet with candies and flowers.Like V'day, only in a different filial/mutual /unconditional way?

Welcome to motherhood Nurfarlinah Binte Othman!
i called her a day after she went through hours of torment last week.
" Hi ! Congratulations on being a mother! welcome to the the world of motherhood!
you are Just in time for Mothersday!!"(gameshow voice)

Nurfarlinah: what....nurul..you and your nonsense.ha a a (tired) ha a a.

i think i should bring my mum out for make-up dinner tomorrow.

oh dear,i haven seen her.
i shall call, wake her up from her slumber.

Are you ready to hustle?

2008-05-08T09:29:00.000-07:00

"Goddam it, you'll never get the Purple Heart hiding in a foxhole! Follow me!" Captain Henry P. Jim Crowe - 13th January 1943 - (Guadalcanal)

With all that zest , ironically im here to ramble out complains about my woes , setbacks and the many failures that i had to go through before i got here.Where i am now isn't exactly where the rainbows and butterflies are.At least , theres a pinch of achievement in me.

on the second thought, zap that.

My random thoughts now are caused by sleepless nights and a Fever.My friends will probably
call it subutex fever ( not as if we know what it does to your body). All i know is that i am shivering.I cant sleep , and my companion is sleeping knowing (thinking) that i am sound asleep.
Sound.yes.I wonder where that term came from.My idea of falling sound asleep NOW is falling asleep with me making so much noise with my nose and throat.
(and yes, someone has a nose)

Well at least i i dont have to sleep to have dreams.no?
(here comes my presidential speech)
I have a dream.
3 years from now , i will graduate with honors in Economics and Business Management.
I will pursue my goal and serve the nation as a Prison Warden .
My motto will be :If you cant prevent, at least rehabilitate.
I will be taking care of my parents and will be a fully independant adult.
I will live each day without worrying about my next pay cheque or how many unpaid leave i took.
Each year will end with a vacation far far away.
That dream, will be my life.
3 years from now.

However for now,I will have to slog it out work it work it.
Lessons have yet to commence and im already getting the jitters.
I am honestly scared, petrified, worried.
What if i dont pull through to the end?
Im waiting for a dream, the start of my LIFE.
what if i am meant to just wait for life to start.
I am spending my life waiting for life to start?

So i guess this is where i slot on the relevance of the quote i inserted.
Im not going to get anyway by just being scared.Get out of my comfort zone dammit
It doesnt matter if there are bullets bombs and grenades coming my way.
Just follow the dream.

"with the unbounded determination of our people - we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us God."President F.D. Roosevelt - 8th December 1941

so help me god.

Blog my cherry

2008-05-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

Once there was a youth, who was afraid of blogspot.Not knowing
or understanding much of HTML, she was afraid to be labelled a IT dummy.
One day , the youth found a job, which requires her to do not much but have fun.
She was bored to death .All she had was a computer with wireless connection.
Hence, she created her own blogspot.So ladies and gentlemen, i dare to state that
Boredom, overcomes Fear .Anytime.